LuciferxCastiel Rulz
by thisisnotmeredithandraven
Summary: Best fan fic you'll ever read. LuciferxCastiel eventual DeanxCastiel. Have your tissues ready.. it'll uh.. make you cry. A lot. I know we did.


Title:** LuciferxCastiel Rulz**  
Pairing: LuciferxCastiel eventual DeanxCastiel  
By: Not Raven and Not Meredith  
_Warning: Extreme ooc, tense switching, pov switching, bad plot, bad grammar on a whole -basically crack in its purest form. Because, yes, we ARE aiming for the worst Fan Fic award (ever). Consider yourself warned._  
Dedicated to: Masochist everywhere.

* * *

Cas knew better than to love the anything over anything else but how could he resist the Morning Star? God said no. The angels said no. But God and the angels weren't staring at the handsomely eroding face of Lucifer. Even the slightly balding patterns coupled with a receding hair line was too much for the angel to resist.

"I shouldn't." Cas said.

"No, you shouldn't." Lucifer agreed as he stepped closer to the ring of fire holding Castiel hostage.

"But I love you." Castiel confessed, eyes sparkling with emotions he didn't even understand.

"Love?" Lucifer was playing coy with the concept of this idea, "How could you love ME, angel?"

"I don't understand it but... my body is telling me I'm attracted to you."

And how could he NOT be attracted to the average looking container holding one of the most powerful creatures in all of existence?

"That's not love, Castiel, that's lust." How could Lucifer be so blunt? Cas clenched his fists and frowned deeply in thought. Could it be? Could his human vessel just be reacting to the overwhelming allure of the devil?

"No! That's not true." Cas was sure of it. These strange feelings had to be love. He had felt them once before in his long life time and he was feeling them once again. A deep blush stained his pale and stubble covered cheeks as his eyes became downcast with embarrassment.

"My my. Who could have guessed that the most faithful angel in heaven would fall the hardest. I guess you're just following in my footsteps." Lucifer circled the ring of fire keep Castiel rooted to his spot in the dingy basement. "But what of your love for the humans? What of Dean?"

Cas's face hardened with resolve. "Dean who?"

A toothy and slightly yellowed grin crossed the devil's face, "Excellent."

.....

As he approached me, the decaying skin of his vessel glistened in the firelight, luminescent like the wings of a dragonfly. I knew I had to kiss him. It was the only thing that would be right in my life since I first questioned my faith.

Forget Dean. A human couldn't satisfy me like the Devil could.

And satisfy me he would.

He entered the ring of fire. Now we were both trapped. Trapped by lust, and maybe something even more powerful.

"Please, Lucifer," I said weakly, "kiss me."

"Is that what you want?" he asked, teasing me with an evil grin. "And why should I give that to you?"

I was shaking now, fully aware of what a fool I was being but unable to stop myself. I inhaled and looked away shamefully. "If you kiss me, I will be your love slave."

Lucifer seemed to consider this for a moment, stroking his chin. Some skin came off onto his fingers. "In that case," he said, "I accept your slavery."

....

He wrapped his arms around me, and we stood so close with the fire burning around us and unfamiliar passion burning in my heart that I wondered if this was what Hell felt like. I didn't care if it was. I was willing to burn forever for this love.

Hell turned into Heaven when he leaned in and his chapped lips met my quivering ones. I breathed in the smell of his unwashed breath as our tongues swiveled together in an erotic dance of forbidden attraction.

I knew in my heart that what I thought to be true was indeed true. I was in love with the Morning Star and his decomposing vessel.

Suddenly he broke away as if he had heard my thoughts. His eyes were wide and glinting with…. emotion?! Was it possible that I had broken through the cold, hard veneer to the Devil's true heart? The heart that had loved God passionately and didn't really want to do evil on Earth?

"Oh, Castiel," Lucifer said, choking up slightly, "I never knew I could feel this way again. I'm sorry I mocked your feelings."

I couldn't believe it! How totally unreal! Castiel was letting me kiss him! How long I have yearned for this sensation, his luscious moist tongue brushing my own dry and sandpapery one. God I hope it holds out long enough for more kisses. As I pulled back, Castiel shivered with obvious lust and emotions, looking up at me with those endearing eyes.

"Oh Lucifer... if this wrong.. I don't want to be right.."

Oh those words, how they tear at me and how long I've wanted to hear them and have them resonant in my heart like the chopping of ice in a blender. My world spins a little and I'm not sure if it's the decay of braincells or the emotional high I'm receiving from just looking at my little angel.

"Who needs God when I have you."

And how his smile lit up the rancid molding basement of that run down building that spawned our mutual affection. Before this we had never come face to face but when I saw him walk in from the depths of the shadows, I knew it was love at first sight. My breath stilled in my crippled lungs and it took all my will to not immediately run to him and shower him in adoration.

I reached out and squeezed his arms a little to show him that I care with more than just words and he responds by reaching up and running his hands through my short hair. God bless his angelic heart that he didn't even bat an eyelash when he pulled back a handful of my hair. In fact, he simply pressed it to his lips and look at me with those glittering denim blue rhinestones filled with concern and affection.

"Let's run away together!" He declared triumphantly, dropping the hair in order to clasp my hands in his.

I was so elated that I didn't even notice Sam entering the basement with is brother hot on his heels. In fact, I couldn't be bothered to care... my angel just asked me to elope with him and all I could think to say was...  
"Yes, oh god, yes. A thousand times yes!"

....

You see the Winchesters first. Sam looks stunned. Dean is staring at you in horror.

"Dean…" you say, knowing that you've betrayed him forever, that you deserve that look from him.

Lucifer turns and sneers. "Hello, Sam, Dean. Have you come to give me your body, Sam? I'll be needing it when I abscond with my angelic lover."

Sam just grits his teeth, his dark eyes boring into both of you.

You're surprised when Dean raises his shotgun to the ceiling and fires at the emergency sprinkler, sending water spraying over you and your lover. The ring of fire around you sputters out, leaving the bitter smell of smoke.

Through the smoky din, Dean pushes past his brother, his eyes locked with yours. "Cas, why?" he asked, sounding more hurt than he can express.

"Dean, I'm sorry." Your voice wavers as you cling tighter to Lucifer's corpse-like frame. "I've decided to be with him. Please don't tear apart our love."

"You love him?!" Dean looks at both of you, glaring daggers. "How? Why? I thought…" He hangs his head, and you know he's trying to hide his silent tears like the man he is. In moments, Sam is there, hugging his brother and glaring at you.

"You're despicable," he snarls at you. "How could you do this to Dean? To yourself???"

"I can't deny my heart," you say sadly.

"I'll kill you both!" Sam vows.

You don't hear the threat. Even with your lover's arms around you, you want to reach out to Dean, who is crying in Sam's arms. You want to pull him close and tell him you didn't mean for this to happen. Your time together was special and you don't regret it. But you know you have to let him go.

Your heart breaks a little bit more when Dean pulls away from his brother and faces you, tears streaming down his face. "You pulled me out of Hell," he said. "For what? I…." he chokes back more tears. "I didn't want to admit it, but I… I fell in love with you! You made me trust you like I never thought I could trust anyone."

"Dean—"

"No!" Dean spins away, his tears sparkling in the air as they fly from his face. "Don't touch me! Don't come near me EVER AGAIN!!!"  
You just don't know how you were supposed to take this. How could you deal with this kind of betrayal from.. your angel. And he was YOUR angel. God designed him just for you, to watch over you, protect you, take care of you in your times of need. Sure he wasn't exactly there when you were being torn apart by hell hounds or shot or stabbed or tortured but he tried and that's the point. He raided you from perdition and he was yours.. as you were his.

So why? WHY god?! Why this? Why now? It was all too much for your poor little heart barely learning to trust again.

Sam's pathetic attempts to comfort you were to no avail, it just wouldn't heal the cracks forming chasms in your otherwise flawless wall of ice around your heart.

And now? Now you were running as fast as you could through the town. To hell with the devil and the Apocalypse and all of this crap Heaven and Hell were putting you through. The world could go rot now for all you cared because what was the point without the one thing you craved the most. That was the real reason you spent so many nights with all those women, wasn't it? You were looking for that perfect shape to fill the hole punched through your heart. The problem was.. no woman attractive enough was the size of a man and no man had wings that could fill in the blanks so perfectly. Without Cas, you were doomed.

Your feet carried you to the edge of town and you found yourself panting hard from the exertion. Hands gripped tightly in your hair and the moment you heard the flutter of wings, you started screaming. Screaming at the top of your lungs for all the injustice that could have been served to your bleeding heart.

"WHY?! I've done EVERYTHING for you!" You spun around, eyes glaring daggers at the angel who stood alone. Lucifer was no where to be seen but the vague scent of sulfur let you know he was around.. somewhere. Or maybe that was the scent coming off Cas. After all, Lucifer had been brushing up against him, touching places that you KNEW were meant for you and you alone.

"Dean.. I'm sorry but-"

"I don't want your excuses!" You snarl through your clenched teeth.

"Dean.." He head tilts in that adorable way that makes the edge of your anger melt a bit. "I never meant to hurt you.. I never meant for this to happen.."

And there they go again, those damn drops of water pricking the corners of your eyes and stinging your cheeks as they glide down your face. Stupid stupid tears!

....

"Why him Cas? Huh? Why Lucifer of all people? Hell, I could understand it if you went for Sammy more than I can this."

And for a moment, he doesn't look like he speak. Words were caught in his throat and you can see the start of... tears? The angel was crying?

"Dean I--" But he never finished. The sound of screams rip through the air and you both turn in the direction of where you apparently left Sam and Lucifer alone. Oh no!

"SAMMY!" You scream as you run back towards the town. Oh god! How could you be so stupid as to leave Sammy by himself?

Suddenly there are arms around you and they feel so right. They grip you tight and lift you high enough to fly past the scenery around you. You're flying and for once, you're not afraid. Those tight and tender arms are gripping you safely like they did when they pulled you out of hell. Your scar burns a little with the reminder of what you both had been through and you feel... at home. Even with Sam screaming in the (rapidly approaching) distance, you feel safe and loved and.. warm. Content if it weren't for the blood curdling and chocking sobs smothering the around you.

As you fly by, you see Joe and Ellen running towards the building you had just left and you worry for them. Girls shouldn't have to fight in a war this ugly. How could you be such an idiot to let them get involved? They were like your mother and sister for gawdsake!

"Sammy.." You find your lips moving before you even reach the room where you had left the two earlier. This was not going to be pretty.

"More tea, Sam?" Lucifer is sitting so pristine at a little tea table with bows in his hair and a teapot in his extended hand.

Sam was.. tied up to a chair with a bonnet on his head and a horrified look on his face.

"What the--" You start when Lucifer turns to look at you and the words freeze in your throat.

"Care to join us?" His smile is dingy strangely pulling you in and you can't find the will to say no.

....

Deans steps toward the demented tea party and Cas had to pull him back. "Dean, what are you doing? He's gone mad!"

What is this? Cas didn't know who Lucifer was anymore. He realized then that he's been an idiot and he was meant for Dean all along. But what could he do?

Just then, Lucifer spilled tea on his pants. "Oh dear," he said. "Castiel, darling, will you help me?"

Cas saw his opportunity and squeezes Dean's shoulder to let him know the plan. Dean, he says telepathically. It's you I love. It's always been you. We're going to kill Lucifer together.

Dean turns to look at him, his eyes wide with wonder. Cas, how-?

We're soul mates, Dean Winchester, thought Cas. We don't need words. Now listen, we don't have much time.

"Oh, Castiel!" Lucifer chimed in a sing song.

I'll distract him and you use the Colt.

You can't! Dean looked desperate and sweaty now, making him even more sexy and vulnerable-looking than usual. It's too dangerous. I... I couldn't live without you.

I know, Dean. But I have to do this. For us.

With that, he walked forward, leaving Dean with the telepathic promise that they would be together forever, no matter what happens.

Cas got down on his knees in front of Lucifer, and their short time together flashed through his memory, burning him like the hot coals of passion after the fires of lust have just gone out. They had been so in love. But madness had taken over Lucifer's brain and they had to end it before he regressed any further. Cas seductively licked the tea from Lucifer's pants, hoping to focus the Devil's attention on him alone.

It worked. Lucifer smiled at him, that satisfied smile of a man lost and starving in the wilderness who has just come upon a fat boar on a spit. Cas met his eyes and held the gaze intently, his tongue roving over the warm stain on Lucifer's pants.

Something broke within Dean as he watched. A jealous rage that made him pull the Colt out of his jacket and aim for the neck of the Devil who had almost stolen his angel from him and now had him on his knees.

"DIIIIEEEEE!!!!!" Dean screams before he pulled the trigger, seeing Lucifer's shocked face a second before the bullet ripped through his neck. Cas dropped to the floor, covering his head, and Sam knocked himself over sideways in his chair to avoid the spray of blood. Dean fired again and again and again, until Lucifer's head peeled back from the stump of his neck and fell to the floor. Even then, Dean shot a few more bullets into the chest of the headless vessel. Just to be sure.

"Try orchestrating the apocalypse without a head, bitch," Dean said, blowing the smoke from the barrel of the Colt.

"Oh, Dean!" Cas ran to him and was enveloped by Dean's arms. For the first time in his life, Cas was so overcome with emotion that he started crying crystalline tears of joy, tinged slightly by guilt from the hurt he had caused his beautiful human lover. The wet droplets fell from his eyes like rain from heaven. Dean kissed them away tenderly.

Then he kissed Castiel's lips and their tongues intertwined like two partners doing a waltz or samba, who had been born to dance together. When they finally broke apart they were both breathing hard and smiling. Dean's eyes were bright and reflected Castiel's smile.

"Can I get some help, here?" Sam asks from the floor, breaking the moment.

Dean, somewhat irritated by the interruption but still flying high from kissing his angel, goes to untie Sam, who immediately pulls the bonnet off his head and tosses it at Jo and Ellen, who have just entered totally late and now there for no reason at all.

"What the hell happened to you?" Ellen asked Sam.

He just shook his head. "I think I just got a taste of what it's like to be the Devil's vessel," he said.

Everyone laughed and all was well.

Cas walked to the fallen head of Lucifer and picked it up, hugging it while feeling the last vestiges of emotion for the beast who had stolen his heart. The eyes on the decapitated head fluttered, its mouth twitched, and several words of a song came out before it stopped moving forever.

"All you need is love," it sang quietly. "All you need is love...love..."

***

Later that night, Sam waited in a hotel room alone for Dean and Cas to return. They had flown off together into the sunset. Dean told him that because of Cas, he was no longer afraid of flying. He was no longer afraid of anything.

Sam didn't mind sitting alone for now. He knew that Cas and his brother would return to him soon. They would pile into the Impala together and drive off into the sunrise, into a new beginning, a new life together full of adventure.

THE END

An: If you made it this far.. you were a brave BRAVE little soldier and deserve a factory full of cookies. *slow claps for you*


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